TOP TEN MICROSOFT NON-MONOPOLISTIC SLOGANS

 

10) Competition is good. 90% market share is better.

9) We’re disappointed that the US government failed to reach a reasonable settlement with Microsoft. We thought that our press release last year about Microsoft buying the US government took care of these little details.

8) We support a free marketplace. So long as our support is visibly branded everywhere, at any price.

7) The Road Ahead: Revised edition, “How to avoid the sink holes.”

6) When in doubt, spend gobs of cash on ads in all the major newspapers on a one-day rampage against government. That always beats befriending politicians and bureaucrats.

5) We value our customers. That’s why we only charge $75 per question on our toll-free tech support phone lines! (Hey, at least the phone call is free)!

4) Just because our marketing memos effectively caught us with our pants down and our hands in the cookie jar, doesn’t mean we can’t bully our way out of this mess.

3) We love the idea of competition. That’s why we bought a huge chunk of Apple.

2) The US economy depends heavily on Microsoft’s ability to release Windows98 on time. Yeah, and that also proves how insignificant and non-monopolistic we are as compared to our software competitors.

and finally,

1) No Netscape for you!

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Numbers can be used to prove anything it seems

 

Numbers can be used to prove anything it seems. Here is one of the strangest I’ve seen lately.

Proof that Bill Gates is the Devil: The real name of “the” Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where “III” means the order of third (3rd.)

By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:

B 66 I 73 L 76 L 76

G 71 A 65 T 84 E 69 S 83

I 1 I 1 I 1 ————– 666 !!!

Some might ask, “How did Bill Gates get so powerful?” Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind’s ultimate and total enslavement??? Before you decide, consider the following:

M S – D O S 6 . 2 1

77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666

W I N D O W S 9 5

87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666

Coincidence?

General Motors REPLY TO BILL GATES

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.” 

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: “If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part, especially 7th point and 10’Th point):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn wouldcause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car  that was powered by  the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as  easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the  roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.”Never undervalue the manufacturing & automobile industries